You will be home for Christmas and concerned about how your brother is behaving. It always ends in a big fight with someone. He is quick to anger and it can agree pretty hot, if confronted with.

Wondering if something could you do differently in your interactions with him that things could change. You tried to avoid certain topics and receive a part of it and was not too helpful.

How about you listen with empathy!

What happened to him? What is under the wrath? What to know it, you try them all?

We are trying to run around all our needs met in the best way we can with the knowledge and skills we have at the time. It is not easy to see anger as a way to get a need satisfied and I think most of you have used anger at one time or another to try to satisfy a need.

As you can listen to him long enough, what he would say to try? What is so painful for him?

As a vegetarian years ago, I had several stimulating discussions on the consumption of meat. Once a friend said was really concerned about my choice, there was no way I had enough protein. I explained my reasons, but no matter how I answered that he had a rebuttal. I finally looked at him and said: "It seems to you at any live without meat difficult to imagine" He was surprised by the question but "yes" he replied to me could not imagine not eating meat. I kept asking until I understand how he really felt, what were his concerns and what he needed. And then he actually has the ability to listen.

How did he pass the examination to the connection?

The change happened when I sense in wondering what had happened to him, rather than trying to move me to defend. When I realized that was his intensity about him not really affect me. As soon as I moved in curiosity, I discovered a lot about why he thinks the meat is important to him. He has heard and know and understand them better.

This is the first step of empathic listening. Curious to imagine and guess what happens to them behind their feelings, thoughts and / or behavior?

When I communicate with my friend's feelings and needs continued, I asked questions such as:

It seems that it was scary for you if you have everything to lose weight? Were you concerned that your health much value? Maybe you could ask how ... Can you imagine that?

Curiosity must listen to understand, being rooted and well founded, especially in love.

To truly understand another person you can walk in their shoes. Imagine how it from their perspective, their history and their unique life.

LOVE ... can hear huh difficult when someone screams think love, and yet to be done. It takes a little courage and here is a trick for me (sometimes) works. I imagine that person as a child and something that makes them really great. If I can find what comfort they could.

listening with curiosity to understand and love other people is one of the greatest gifts you can give for each, including you. So this year, if your brother annoying you can empathize with how difficult it is when he gets angry, and you may be curious about what is beneath the anger?

Practice before leaving. Be curious and explore their strong feelings and thoughts of things.

What would our world has so many of us have our pain? Set all!

This Christmas, the gift of empathy ... Curiosity, love and understanding.

"Sometimes bugged me feel so loved as it is impossible to make a difference," said Barbara Kiefer